Can't Shake 'Em
Posted by Rebecca Sat, 13 Oct 2007 14:42:00 GMT
A long time ago, a person had a pretty big impact on my life. I didn’t know it at the time. I figured the feeling of having been affected would pass.
To some degree, it did, and I don’t really think about this person anymore.
But on occasion, this person makes their way into my dreams, and I always, always wake up distressed about it. I’m never really distressed by what happens in the dreams, which is usually some form of me trying to earn their friendship. I’m usually distressed by the fact the person showed up all, that they have the audacity to be there, still implanted so permanently into my memory.
The trouble is, I still love this person. Not romantically, and honestly, not even as a friend. In life, I choose to pretty much not have anything to do with this person. But something in me drives me to have permanent, severe concern for them. So I pray. When I have a dream about this person, or when for some random reason my memory decides to let me know that this person exists, I pray.
I started praying for this person fervently when I was about 15. I don’t pray fervently anymore, but I still pray. In praying, I wonder if I’ll ever be free of this person. I doubt that I will. I wonder if I will carry this burden with me to grave. I probably will.
I’ll be 80 sipping lemonade on the front porch and I’ll pray for this person.
