This is who I am

How Many Times Will The Rooster Crow?

Posted by Rebecca Wed, 03 Sep 2008 02:06:00 GMT

It seems that everyone thinks a rooster only crows at dawn.

Well, I’ve been around a lot of roosters on my grandmother’s farm, and I can tell you this. A rooster begins crowing at least an hour before dawn, and continues to crow all day long until shortly after sundown.

It’s obnoxious. Ask any of my fifteen cousins.

Some recent episodes have got me thinking about roosters, particularly because of Peter’s three denials of Christ the night Christ was betrayed. Christ told Peter that he would deny the Son of Man three times before the cock crowed. And Peter lived up to that prophecy.

I’ve lately been listening to streaming Christian radio on headphones at work, mostly to drown out the insane gum smacking that I am otherwise subject to eight hours a day. Inevitably someone asks me what I listen to.

Commence an internal freak-out that calms down only when I lie.

Today as I was walking to the bus, I was listening to Kutless on my ipod and I ran into an old co-worker, who of course asked me what I was listening to.

Of course, I lied.

In my mind, I heard that dadburn rooster.

The sound of it hit me hard.

Sure, I can talk about my faith all day long in the company of other Christians, or certain friends, and my family. I can write about my faith pseudo-anonymously on the internet, where a general lack of identity protects me from the scorn of the world.

But when given 900 opportunities to have a real conversation about my faith, I cower and by doing so, deny people the pleasure of experiencing any amount of G-d’s light that can make it through my broken self.

I fail. Daily.

I began to ponder my actions, and ponder my motives for allowing those actions to persist.

In fear, I wondered if I am ashamed of my Messiah.

See, I don’t want this:

“For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.” Mark 8:38, NASB

I want to please my L-rd, and I know I do not do that by concealing Him.

So then I thought, it must be all those crazy Christian extremists out there, who would rather bomb an abortion clinic than to reach out to the women who have had to face an incredibly difficult choice. The ignorant ones who think the n-word is ok. The ones who are blind enough to believe they are superior to Jews.

But that still didn’t seem correct.

Because, duh. I’m not ashamed of admitting I’m a Christian because of Christ, or because of other Christians out there who I fail to agree with on certain things.

I’m ashamed of admitting I’m a Christian because most of the time, I don’t act like one.

I judge people. I gossip. I complain about everything and everyone under the sun. I worry. I’m afraid of a lot of things that I don’t need to be afraid of. I make pleasing people a priority over pleasing G-d.

See, I don’t want to be the reason someone turns away from G-d.

But if I hide Him from them, will they turn back to Him?