No Escape
Posted by Rebecca Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:20:00 GMT
There’s no escaping You now. I’m in way too deep. Everywhere I go I hear Your voice and I know You are with me.
I find myself willing to walk away from things that I know would make me happy, just because You have something else planned for me, L-rd. I don’t know what Your plans are, but I choose to believe they are good for me, because You said once time that they are.
This really sucks because my flesh finds denial of happiness really painful. I hate it. I can’t stand it. It makes my skin crawl. I want to scream. I’m sad. I’m miserable.
But somehow there’s joy in the midst of all of these fleeting, temporal, deceitful feelings.
I know things are going to be ok. I know You will work it out. And I guess that’s why I choose to continue seeking Your will in every aspect of my life. Because really, I couldn’t handle life without You. I need You so badly. I can’t even get through the day without finding a moment to spend with You, to share my hopes and dreams with You, to share my fears and disappointments and heartbreaks with You. You’re the only safe place I know.
I can’t get away. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. I’m too tied to You. I don’t think I could breathe if I thought for one second You had left me.
It doesn’t seem fair. My will is crushed to be conformed to Yours. My heart is broken so You can give me a new one. My flesh is put to death so I can really live.
It hurts. But it’s good. Sounds a bit masochistic, doesn’t it? Well, maybe it is, but the benefits far exceed the cost.
Keep me in this frame of mind. Keep me so dependent that I am constantly trying to find time to spend with You. I can’t live life any other way anymore. It just doesn’t work.