Posted by Rebecca
Sat, 08 Nov 2008 00:51:00 GMT
“If We Never Meet Again This Side of Heaven”
Soon we’ll come to the end of life’s journey
And perhaps we’ll never meet anymore
‘Til we gather in heaven’s bright city
Far away on that beautiful shore
If we never meet again this side of heaven
As we struggle through this world and its strife
There’s another meeting place somewhere in heaven
By the side of the river of life
Where the roses bloom forever
And where separation comes no more
If we never meet again this side of heaven
I will meet you on that beautiful shore
Oh they say we shall meet by the river
Where no storm clouds ever darken the sky
And they say we’ll be happy in heaven
In that wonderful sweet by and by
If we never meet again this side of heaven
As we struggle through this world and its strife
There’s another meeting place somewhere in heaven
By the side of the river of life
Where the roses bloom forever
And where separation comes no more
If we never meet again this side of heaven
I will meet you on that beautiful shore
Posted in Sweet Emotion | no comments
Posted by Rebecca
Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:26:00 GMT
I am not particularly ready to discuss my recent change in circumstances, but so many people are concerned that I felt writing something here would be helpful to them.
The sun rose this morning. The world is still turning.
My heart is all over the place, and tears are never very far from the surface even though I’m being distracted by a very good friend (which is extremely helpful).
I took today off work and I will be off Wednesday as well. I did manage to make it to class today, and that was a healthy and welcome distraction, and got me out of the house for 4 hours (because I had to take the bus etc).
God is showering love on me through songs on the radio, words of truth in His book, and through close friends and people who are really just acquaintances. It is so good to not question if I am loved. There is no way I could think that I am not.
My father even acted as a father for a fleeting instant, with encouraging words that surprised and touched me. God is a changer of hearts. If he can change the heart of my father, he can change the heart of anyone.
I am comforted by the knowledge that I am walking in God’s will, regardless of how painful it is at present. It it the best place I can be. I have finally opened my hands and given this situation over to Him. He is God after all, not me.
I am sleeping when I feel sleepy, and eating when I feel hungry. I am crying when I feel like crying, and praying almost constantly.
All things considered, I’d say I’m doing pretty well, but I certainly welcome your continued prayers. Please do not forget to pray for the other party involved. This is not easy for anyone.
Posted in Sweet Emotion | 2 comments
Posted by Rebecca
Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:50:00 GMT
It’s interesting how, in the face of death, people immediately forget the flaws of the person they are mourning.
Of course no one says bad things at a funeral. This is not what I mean.
I heard a lot of people say glorious things about my grandmother after the funeral. I heard people talk about how they must have inherited this trait or that trait from her, and that’s how they ended up being the incredibly fabulous people they are.
Maybe my perspective is different because I’m so young. Maybe it’s because when I was born, my grandmother was already old and crotchetiness was beginning to set in.
I don’t remember a free spirit. I don’t remember a patient woman who only spoke kind words. I don’t remember anything like that because I never saw her demonstrate any of those characteristics.
I heard words spoken in anger. I heard words spoken in jealousy and resentment. I heard conspiracy theories.
This doesn’t mean I didn’t and don’t love my grandmother.
She was an inspiration to me. She had a fantastic imagination and held fast to her opinions. She was the world’s greatest canasta player, and had a wonderfully adorable laugh and smile. She was also incredibly difficult to be around most of the time. At least, that’s how I always felt about her.
I wonder if people only say nice things because they feel stifled by the cloud of death and don’t feel free to say anything different. Or maybe it’s because they want to romanticize the person they lost and paint them in false hues of honor and glory.
I personally would rather remember the person as a human.
The scowl and the smile.
The wisdom and the stupidity.
The love and the hatred.
It’s all beautiful.
It’s all worth remembering.
Speaking of memories, with the exception of the service itself, the time I spent with my family in Arkansas was wonderful. While we laughed and cried over old memories, we created new ones.
Here are some that are and will remain very special to me.
1) Seeing my mother’s tears after she viewed my grandmother’s body. I didn’t know she loved her mother-in-law so much.
2) Seeing my aunt laugh hard and smile a lot. She is more herself now than she has been in recent years and I’m glad to see that retirement is bringing good to her life.
3) Hanging out with my uncle. He’s uber sweet and hilarious, and somehow fits perfectly into our bizarre family. He also has excellent taste in music which made the trip up to Arkansas volumes less somber than it would have been without his tunes.
4) Celebrating the potential of the fresh life that exists within my niece and nephew. Children really bring hope into the world. They lighten the air and make it more breathable.
5) Spending a lot of time with my long-lost cousin who lives twenty minutes away from me but who I never get to see because we both are members of the same family and must stick the family policy of never seeing other family members unless it’s absolutely necessary. It was good to ride back to Austin with him and get to know him better as a human with a heart. He’s forever been that fun cousin but seeing a teeny bit of his emotional side was incredible. I was impressed. I feel like we bonded. I don’t know how he feels. He is, after all, a man.
6) Learning things about my grandmother that I never knew. Like how she was a writer. Really? I never knew this? How did that happen? Oh and like how in the 1940s she flew airplanes. How frikkin’ cool is that? Or like how as a young girl, she roamed the hills and mountains of west Texas on a horse. I never knew she had a horse. I thought she hated animals. Or like how my grandfather sang “Goodnight Irene” to her every night, because her name was Irene.
Memories can be painful and pleasant, but in the end I really think even the bad ones are beautiful. There’s a certain something in the difficulty of the human experience that doesn’t compare to anything else. Maybe it’s because during the difficult times we find out who we really are.
Gma was awesome. She contributed to the creation of an awesome, weird, obnoxious, quirky bizarre family that I’m incredibly glad I’m a part of. I don’t fit in anywhere else on earth, but I will always fit in with my family. It’s a good thing to remember.
Posted in Sweet Emotion | Tags family, funeral, Gma, memory | no comments
Posted by Rebecca
Mon, 31 Mar 2008 19:16:00 GMT
Two of the best men I’ve ever known are engaged to beautiful women who will make them happy forever.
It’s funny too because they always were so down on themselves for being nerds, and were always talking about how awesome I am, and now they are beating me to the punch on marriage. Way to go guys! I knew you were too awesome to be on the playing field for long!
These guys were some of my best friends during a very difficult time in my life and I love them both dearly. I don’t think either one of them ever figured out what they meant to me then and what they still mean to me now.
I’m exceedingly happy for them both because I always knew how awesome they were, even when they couldn’t see it in themselves. It’s just a little bittersweet because I don’t see them very often (I think it’s been about 4 years) even though they live relatively close by, and I know that once they are married there will be an even less likely chance of me seeing them.
But I guess that’s how life goes. Anyway, this is all on my mind because one of them (who I’ve been looking for forever now) messaged me today and we got to chat a little bit. We made sure to exchange information so that we can keep in touch better. It was really good to hear from him. In fact, it may have made my day.
There’s nothing like old friends.
Posted in Sweet Emotion | Tags friends | no comments
