Old Friends

Posted by Rebecca Mon, 31 Mar 2008 19:16:00 GMT

Two of the best men I’ve ever known are engaged to beautiful women who will make them happy forever.

It’s funny too because they always were so down on themselves for being nerds, and were always talking about how awesome I am, and now they are beating me to the punch on marriage. Way to go guys! I knew you were too awesome to be on the playing field for long!

These guys were some of my best friends during a very difficult time in my life and I love them both dearly. I don’t think either one of them ever figured out what they meant to me then and what they still mean to me now.

I’m exceedingly happy for them both because I always knew how awesome they were, even when they couldn’t see it in themselves. It’s just a little bittersweet because I don’t see them very often (I think it’s been about 4 years) even though they live relatively close by, and I know that once they are married there will be an even less likely chance of me seeing them.

But I guess that’s how life goes. Anyway, this is all on my mind because one of them (who I’ve been looking for forever now) messaged me today and we got to chat a little bit. We made sure to exchange information so that we can keep in touch better. It was really good to hear from him. In fact, it may have made my day.

There’s nothing like old friends.

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Day Six: Friends

Posted by Rebecca Tue, 06 Nov 2007 14:10:00 GMT

I was thinking last night about how I am reluctant to befriend women. I almost always keep them at arm’s length because, well, let’s face it, women are some of the meanest people on the planet. Cold and heartless too. Yes, I said it. No snide remarks from men on this one. We women may have the crazy gene, but you men got the dumb gene. So just keep that in mind before you go off saying how you knew it all along and you were just waiting for one of us to admit it. Remember, this blog is about me, not you.

So shush.

Anyway, I remember elementary school whenever I think about how I am typically repulsed by women. I was always The Girl Nobody Liked in elementary school. I was the butt of jokes and pranks, I was always picked last for team games, and was either left out of invitations to birthday parties, or was treated poorly when I attended them.

It’s no surprise to me, now that I know who I am, that I was treated this way. I see a lot of things differently than most people I know, and could be labeled eccentric. I’m quirky, creative and weird, and have a very strange sense of humor a lot of the times. Of course I didn’t fit in with all the girls who wanted nothing other than to throw themselves at the feet of such heart throbs as Jonathan Brandis and Jordan Knight.

Nevertheless, not fitting in left a bad taste in my mouth.

I got to thinking about all this on my drive home from Marci’s last night (Marci and Caroline and I met up to go for a walk and spend some time hanging out). I remembered what it was like to not have women in my life who I could trust. I remembered what it was like to have only superficial girlfriends who wanted to know nothing of my life, but wanted to sit around for hours, pouring their pain and sorrow into my ears, who wanted everything to be about them. Who never wanted to give, and only wanted to take.

I don’t have to worry about any of these things with Marci and Caroline. I can be 100% myself and I don’t have to worry about them thinking I’m crazy. They know I’m crazy, and it is evident that they love me for it. They know that I can space out at times and not have a clue what happened in the last five minutes. They know that I make lame jokes, and they know what I look like when I cry. They aren’t in my life to get what they can out of me and then move on. They haven’t put me on a pedestal to the point that they claim my ideas and opinions as their own. They don’t call me incessantly and get jealous when I’m busy with school or other things. They don’t get upset when I flake on them due to cramps or exhaustion or just plain ickiness.

I guess in short, they don’t have ridiculous expectations of me. They have the kind of expectations that genuine friends have of others - honesty of personality, honesty of character, and absence of judgment. They only expect to be given what they are willing to give out.

Never in a million years would I have expected to have such friends. I never got to have friends like that before. I’m so glad I have them now.

Caroline and Marci - this blog post? It’s one giant Zing! for you both.

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Day Two: An Unexpected Reunion

Posted by Rebecca Fri, 02 Nov 2007 13:00:00 GMT

A long time ago, in another life when I was someone else, I had a friend. Yes, a friend. Hard to believe it, I know.

Anyway, we were a lot alike, or so it seemed. She and I were raised in the same kind of church. We both loved to write, and we were both working on Astronomy degrees at the university. We even lived in the same apartment building, rode the same bus, etc. We both had boyfriends at the time, too.

We always had fun together, and we hung out a lot. She was better at math than I was, and I was depressed and couldn’t get out of bed and go to class most days. So I copied her math homework, bombed all the exams, and got bad grades. She didn’t even get mad at me until the end of the semester.

She was really into her boyfriend. She had given up her virginity to him and was madly in love with him. By madly in love with him I mean she was blind to all his gross faults (and they were gross…he was a sex addict) and thought he hung the moon.

They broke up once but were still living together. I took that opportunity to tell her that she could do better, that she deserved better, that he needed serious help and that she got out at a good time. I was trying to be a good friend, and in my mind, a good friend always tells the truth, even if it’s hard for the other person to hear.

A week later they were back together. A few months later they got engaged. At some point, something happened and my friendship with her ended…it probably had to do with my copying her homework. Anyway they got married. Six years ago they got married. She fell out of my mind with the passing time until I nearly forgot she existed.

“Hindsight is 20-20,” she said yesterday when she showed up in my office to speak to a professor. I hadn’t seen her in six years and we both did double-takes when we saw each other. We fell easily into conversation, as if the friendship had never ended. My heart was overloaded with reservations, and still is, but I was struck by how easy it was to talk to her, and how much I still cared for her in my heart. I guess some love never really goes away, even if you forget about it for awhile.

Anyway, she’s divorced now. His addiction was too much for her. It controlled him to the point that she lost the freedom she should have had with him in marriage.

“Hindsight is 20-20,” she said.

“I’m 28 and I feel old,” she said. I know why she feels old. She’s already lived a lifetime of pain and she hasn’t even hit thirty yet. It makes me sad. It makes me hurt for her.

It also makes me glad that I didn’t go down the path she went down. I was presented with the same set of paths she was presented. Somehow, by the grace of God, I managed to choose a better path. A path with less unnecessary pain.

Geez, life is hard enough without the unnecessary pain.

I guess I’m writing this because it’s weird that she randomly walked back into my life yesterday. Except that I don’t think she randomly did. You can call it coincidence or whatever you want. I call it God.

I’m a big fan of praying for people from my past who I remember, or who God brings up before me. I know I need to start there with her.

We exchanged information so we could keep in touch, but I still have a load of reservations. I can’t handle another person leeching off me right now. I don’t have that kind of energy to give. But maybe with her I won’t have to. I dunno. I just know that God put her back in my mind for a reason. I know because he does that with me a lot. Sometimes I see the fruit of my prayers, and sometimes I don’t. Maybe obedience is doing what you’re lead to do even if you never see the point of it. So I’ll pray for her, as hard as I can as often as I remember.

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